Sooner or later everyone regardless of age, gender, position, nationality, economic status, race or religion experiences some form of adversity or trouble. It is as much a part of life as every other circumstance you will ever experience. Life is a neutral concept. It doesn’t pick on certain people and shower others with only blessings. Some people could look at others and say, “Those people are wealthy; I’ll bet they have never failed or felt despair or discouragement.” I have news for you. No one is exempt from life’s trials and tribulations! Life is nothing more than the ebb and flow of circumstances and conditions. Yes, some people may seem to get more than their share of bad times while others seem to get more good times or circumstances than they deserve. But be careful not to judge. You can’t always control what comes into your life but you can, if you choose, to always control how you respond to it or act because of it. Adversity, problems and failure, no one wants them but everyone gets them. How you choose to see them or define them will have a great deal to do with how they impact your life. If you fear failure and choose not to stretch, try, experiment or reach because of its consequences, then the fear of failure now rules your life. If you fail and learn, then you are in charge of your life and its outcomes. I was fortunate that my parents let me fail often and hard when I was growing up. As a result I have never seen failure as final but a part of a longer life process. I learned to fail often so I could succeed sooner. One of my mentors and heroes Norman Vincent Peal always said, “Problems are good as long as you learn from them.” No one likes the sting of discouragement or despair. I’ve been there, many times but I can tell you that there is always learning in each of life’s situations if you will only stop seeing yourself as a victim and find the lessons and learn from them. If you are discouraged, troubled or afraid I hope you find some answers or solace in the words that follow. For the record, I wrote this booklet when I was in one of the most challenging times of my life. Another of my mentors and heroes, Eric Butterworth always told me, “No matter what is going on or how difficult times may seem, use your pain, discouragement, loneliness and despair to get in touch with who you are, what you believe and your creative potential. Get busy.” I’ve been fortunate that my path through life has been guided by many people who have helped me see the light instead of the darkness, the joy rather than the sorrow and the blessings and not the sadness. I’ve been told by many of my friends that I have spent far too much time in the valleys of life rather than on the mountaintops. My answer to all of these people is simple - my time in the valleys has helped weather life storms and difficult times as well as taught me not to become arrogant when I did get to view life from the top of the mountain. But more than this they helped write with compassion, humility and courage. I don’t know why you are reading this booklet. Maybe you are at the end of your rope. I call it – hanging by a thread. Maybe you know someone who is troubled or afraid and you want to help them through these difficult times. Regardless of where you are, in the valley, coming out of the valley or crashing and burning, remember that where you are is not the issue. It is what you are doing about it and how you feel about yourself in the process. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you how to live your life. We all make mistakes and the people who are often good at giving advice might do themselves a favor and take some of their own counsel. What is Adversity - Adversity - an extremely unfavorable experience or event. Adversity either brings out the best in you that is hidden deep in your soul or it will bring you to your knees with a variety of debilitating emotions or responses. Whether it is a financial, emotional, relationship business, health or career challenge, it doesn’t really matter, the consequences are the same; uncertainty, fear, panic, temporary loss of hope, an abandonment of goals or desires and a loss of confidence and trust in yourself, your God or those that are close to you. Adversity is necessary to build character, courage, strength and the will to persevere. If you are to enjoy the successes and achievements that life offers you and will cross your path, it is necessary to experience loss, pain, grief or fear during these challenging times. If your entire life was filled with nothing but success after success you would certainly become very arrogant and ego dominated neither of which are favorable life approaches. Adversity is necessary to soften your humanness so that you can have compassion not only for yourself but others. We are all here for a short time and during our journey I believe one of our critical purposes is to serve others, especially those in need. If you are too full of yourself filled with superiority and pride because you have never been brought through the darkness, then what value are you to those people who cross your path who are in pain? Adversity is designed to humble us not to break us. I believe God only allows that which we can handle into our life. But, He allows it so we can be of greater service to Him and our fellow travelers. See adversity for what it is – a test of your will, your courage, your resolve, your faith, your trust and your purpose while here. See it as an opportunity to grow, learn and how to be of value to those that come into your life needing compassion, guidance and love. What is failure - No one escapes this life without failures. I have had them. You have had them. Everyone has had them. The only way to avoid failure is to spend the rest of your life in some log cabin in the woods away from all human contact, expectations and the need for achievement. I know of no one who has reached adulthood who has not had some form of adversity or failure in their life. Neither do you. Why then are we so afraid to fail? Failure: 1. Gives you an opportunity to regroup. 2. Is a necessary tactic of life to help you learn? 3. Can make your successes or achievements taste so good. 4. Gives your enemies something to talk about. 5. Forces you to take another look. 6. Tests your resolve. 7. Gives meaning to your successes. So go out there and fail. Stretch. Push. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. A dear friend, who I will not mention, has a philosophy of ‘fail often so you can succeed sooner.’ She is a living example of how overcoming failure can strengthen your character, soften your ego, and give you the right to enjoy your achievements. All success requires you to be tested on the anvils of life. What is discouragement - Discouragement defined by Webster – to deprive of hope or confidence. Dishearten, dispirit or to be dismayed. Discouragement defined by me – The feeling of the loss control of your life and its circumstances or conditions. Fortitude – Strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain and adversity with courage. Discouragement is when you feel you have no options, your back is against the wall and you don’t know which way to turn, what to do or who to turn to. It is this hole in the pit of your stomach and this fear that fills your every waking moment that says, why bother, what’s the point. Ever been there? There now? Don’t quite know, keep reading. What are problems - One of my hero’s, the late Norman Vincent Peale once said, “There is only one group of people that don’t have problems and they are all dead. Problems are a sign of life. So the more problems you have the more alive you are.” My addition to Norman’s quote would be, “if you don’t have any problems today maybe you are on the way out of here and you don’t know it yet.” This can be perceived as a tong-in-cheek philosophy of life; however it is closer to the truth than you might think. One thing you and I have both learned is that everyone has problems. Some have relationship problems, others financial, some career, others health, some social, others business. No one is immune to adversity in life. The key is to accept the issues, negatives, problems, situations (I don’t care what you call them) as a part of the life process of becoming. Failures, whiners or victims see problems as life picking them. Winners, regardless of their position, status, age or circumstances see problems and adversity as a catalyst to becoming better, stronger, wiser, and more aware of the reality of their life. Problems are not positive or negative they are neutral. It isn’t what is happening in your life that matters it is how you choose to see it and what you do with it. Learn to see the negatives as loving teachers in your life bringing you the opportunity to get a clearer vision of where you need attitude adjustments, improved thinking or better skills. What is despair - Despair - a profound feeling that there is no hope. Hope - a chance that something desirable will happen or be possible. Given up? Just can’t hold on another minute? Don’t believe that things will ever get better? Ready to throw in the towel and just let life have its way with you without a fight? I’ve been there and I know the tremendous confusion, anxiety, frustration and stress that come with it. However, I have also learned that when you give up hope and into despair that you have pretty much decided that it will NEVER get any better no matter what you do. So we have a choice. Hope to me is the opposite of despair and it tells me that no matter how bad things get, they are worse for someone else, somewhere. So, it’s time to end the pity party and do whatever I can, something, to hang on another minute, another hour or even another year. The alternative, giving up is no longer an option. Unfortunately, many of us have to be brought to our knees before we will surrender to God and His will for our life. Once you do that, things will begin to change not because they have changed but because you have changed. And, this is the key. Despair is a response to life and its circumstances, disappointments, unrealized expectations or failed attempts to fix or change things. People who live in despair seldom accomplish much with their life. People who have experienced despair and decide that they don’t want to spend any more time in this mental state have accomplished miracles. The choice is yours. What are their causes - There are numerous causes to the mental or emotional states of despair and discouragement and the circumstances of adversity, problems and failure. There’s just too many to list here. But I would like to share a few of the major ones that contribute to this emotional malaise that ultimately if not overcome or addressed will create a life filled with no; hope, positive anticipation, inner peace or happiness. More could be said about each topic but since space is limited in this booklet I will only cover a few key points. But, if you want more information on these and other self-improvement subjects I would encourage you to purchase one of my many best selling books or CD’s on these subjects and others. Un-managed expectations – A major cause of disappointment is the unrealized expectations you have of others and circumstances. Other people’s lives do not revolve around you. Life isn’t just about you. When you are blindsided by an unrealized expectation look first at your expectation and not the circumstance or person. I’m not suggesting you not have expectations, only that you manage them given the realities of life and the people in your life. Self-defeating attitudes – Some people don’t believe they deserve success, happiness, love or many other positive life outcomes. They just don’t feel worthy whether it is grounded in their upbringing or the circumstances or people that have come into their life. When disaster strikes, and it will sooner or later, these people’s response is usually, “See, I told you. It’s what I knew would happen.” Wrong mindsets – Mindsets are created or formed by a number of circumstances and people. Teachers, parents, bosses, siblings and more have all contributed to your mindsets. A mindset is a way of looking at life. Circumstances and situations have also over time contributed to your mindsets. If you feel that people can’t basically be trusted, you will tend to treat everyone in a way that shows your general lack of trust. These mindsets ultimately become etched in your consciousness. Emotional immaturity – When blame, guilt, jealousy, regret, anger, resentment, bitterness or hatred become fixed in your emotional makeup these will determine how you look at each of life’s experiences as well as the people who cross your path. These emotions do you nor anyone else any good whatsoever and as long as you harbor them you will live in a lonely prison of defeatism. The lack of a spiritual foundation – I’m not talking here whether you are a Christian, Jew, Muslim or any other religion. I am talking about your belief in a higher power that guides your life and circumstances. People who lack a spiritual foundation tend to blame God when things go bad and take the credit when things go right. Poor planning – Most people spend more time planning a 2 week vacation than they do their life. They will make reservations, decide on activities in advance and prepare for uncertainties. Why do people spend time planning 2 weeks and don’t spend time planning 60 years and what they would like those years to look like and create? I don’t have a clue. Not taking responsibility – Life, the world, your parents, the government, your spouse and your employer owe you nothing. Yes, parents educate their children, spouses love each other and bosses give you an occasional raise. But, if you go through life feeling entitled, I guarantee that sooner or later you will experience, heartache, disappointment and anger. Your life is in your hands and your hands only. So, if things don’t work out stop blaming others. Pessimism – It’s a proven fact that pessimists; get sick more often, live shorter lives, have more adverse effects from failure and adversity and generally are less happy, fulfilled and contented. Optimist’s accomplish more, are more resilient and have greater resolve and persistence. Who do you think will do a better job of weathering adversity, problems and failure? Life outlook – This is how you view your world. People are good or bad. Life is fair or unfair. Things work or they don’t. People disappoint you. Circumstances are oblivious to your needs, desires or concerns. Once you start to realize that your life is not the result of others but your decisions, choices, actions, beliefs and behaviors you will go a long way in overcoming your adversities. Poor choices – Every choice has a consequence. Some are negative while others produce positive outcomes. Some are short term and happen quickly while others may take years to play out on the tapestry of your life. But, all choices have consequences. The thing to remember is that these are your choices not the choices made for you by others or the ones you let them make for you. Low self-esteem – If you don’t feel worthy or like yourself I’ll guarantee that life will be a constant battle for you. Self-esteem says either I can do it or I can’t. I’ll overcome or I won’t. This will work out or it won’t. Self-esteem is formed very early in life generally before you reached the age of ten. But, if you have low self-esteem you are not doomed to degrade yourself until your dying day. You can learn, change and grow. Self-limitations – The only limitations we have are the ones we place on ourselves. This doesn’t mean that we can fly. What it does mean is that generally if something is holding you back or preventing you from overcoming difficult times it will usually be something in your own consciousness; some fear, limits, boundaries or restrictions that you believe hold you back. Old emotional baggage – Was it something someone said to you 30 years ago? Something someone did to you that you just can’t let go of or forget? Is it some unrealized expectation that didn’t happen sometime in your past that you keep focusing on? Was it a failure or time in your life when nothing worked and you keep replaying it over and over again in your mind? This is old baggage and it will in no uncertain terms prevent you from successfully emerging from challenging times. Unwillingness to learn – When the student is ready the teacher appears. Are you willing to let go of old paradigms, attitudes, opinions, prejudices or thoughts that no loner serve your purpose or may even be sabotaging your health and inner peace? Do you consider yourself open minded or is your mind like a steel trap, nothing that doesn’t match your current beliefs or attitudes just doesn’t get in? Life offers solutions and opportunities and they don’t always come when you need them or believe you deserve them. But you have to be willing to let go of mental images, attitudes or knowledge that just is no longer appropriate. Lack of clear goals - Goals are not about their accomplishment, contrary to popular teaching and opinions. The purpose of goals is for one reason only, they give you direction. So if you have no goals what direction are you travelling? I’ll bet your mantra is ‘same stuff different day’. Less than 5% of the population has clear, focused and written goals. Is it any wonder why so few people achieve success and happiness? Want to get through these challenging times faster and easier? Start setting some goals and then develop some plans to achieve them. Fear – Fear is the number one reason why people fail to achieve happiness, success and inner peace. There are just too many fears to list here. Some of the common ones however are; the fear of success, the fear of failure, the fear of rejection, the fear of the unknown and the fear caused by uncertainty. Fear is an inner reaction to what is going on in your life. If your fears are not managed successfully they will manifest into exactly what you feared. However, research indicates that many of our fears are irrational and just a knee jerk reaction to situations and circumstances we can’t control. Resisting change – Change is constant. Change is increasing at a faster pace than at any time in history. You have no choice, you either embrace it, prepare for it, deal with it or you perish. No one likes change and yet change is at the heart of everything we do in life. Change is as much a part of the human experience as the weather. When you resist change you keep yourself stuck in old beliefs, opinions, attitudes, mindsets and actions. Inaction – Inaction - to wait and see – is caused by a variety of beliefs, various attitudes and emotional convictions. Failure to act because of fear, uncertainty or arrogance will ensure that you remain stagnant and dormant, both of which will guarantee that things will not improve. Leaving your life up to chance and luck might sound idealistic and even romantic but luck is nothing more than preparation meeting opportunity followed by action. Un-managed stress – Stress will kill you. Stress will determine how you respond to life’s threats and circumstances. Stress is cousin of panic and when in panic you will seldom make wise choices or take intelligent actions. Stress is nothing more than your inside-out reaction to outside-in circumstances, events and people. If you want assurance that you’re negative circumstances don’t last any longer than necessary and don’t kill you in the process, better find ways to reduce the impact of situations on your stress level. Uncontrolled thoughts – The only thing that separates people who emerge from adversity and problems is not the circumstances themselves but how they process these conditions minute by minute in their minds. Thought-control is a vital and necessary skill to ensure that whatever you are facing doesn’t become permanently etched in your consciousness thereby creating a pre-conceived probability that will remain with you long after the negative circumstances have disappeared. Worry – Research over the years has suggested that over 90% of the things people worry about never happen. So why do people worry? The fear of the unknown and the lack of faith and belief in themselves or the ability to accept what they can’t control. Women tend to worry more than men. Pessimists tend to worry more than optimists. Worry doesn’t solve anything. All it does is keep you stuck in the problems and prevents you from focusing on solutions or actions. Regrets – Regrets cost tons. Discipline costs ounces. You either pay the price of discipline of the price of regret. There is no reason to have any regrets if you are doing the best you can at any given moment or time of your life. Regret is an emotional state caused by things in the past that causes pain and immobilization in the present therefore contributing to stress and negative feelings about yourself and the world in the future. Seeing failure, adversity or problems as negative – None of these are negative nor are they positive. They are all neutral concepts. What causes them to be either negative or positive is not what is happening but your attitudes about what is happening. You never really fail until you give up. Just because you have failed doesn’t mean you are a failure, just that you tried and it didn’t work. Failure is nothing more than a signal to begin a with more planning, discipline, belief and passion. Losing hope – Hope is the most important emotion or feeling to have during any crisis. When you lose hope in the middle of adversity, there is no place else to go. This is the last stronghold that you can maintain if you want to get to the other end of the darkness and distress. Hope is nothing more than faith in the unknown. That with time, energy and belief that sooner or later this too will pass and the light at the end will once again shine in your life. Lacking courage – Fortitude is the strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain and adversity. There is physical courage and then there is emotional or psychological courage. Adversity, problems or failure seldom require physical courage but overcoming them will almost always require emotional courage. If you lose your courage due to a lack of control over your life and its conditions or the circumstances that present themselves you will ultimately have to admit that you just can’t handle this stuff. Losing patience – Patience is the ability to endure waiting, delay, or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset, or to persevere calmly when faced with difficulties. People who lack patience need to be in control at all times. Well I have news for you, that is impossible. Life’s circumstances don’t always happen the way we want them to or when we want them to. Patience says you believe that you will triumph It says, I will overcome. I don’t know how now, but I know I will prevail. I will not let this time or these circumstances win the day.
Article Source: http://bizymoms.com/business
Tim is Globally Renowned speaker and trainer and the best selling author of over 75 books including several international best sellers, including - Soft Sell (The Number One Best Selling Sales Book In The World Now In 21 Languages), 81 Management Challenges, Your First Year In Sales, 91 Sales Mistakes Salespeople Make, Life Is Short, Corporate Disconnect, Overcoming Life’s Challenges and Difficult Times and Above Ground. He is the CEO of Connor Resource Group.