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James R. Lucas has been involved in family and youth ministry for over thirty-five years. He has served as a pastor, youth pastor, and director of education for a multi-level Sunday school. He is a charter member of the American Association of Christian Counselors, and has pursued graduate studies in theology at Regent College, Vancouver, B.C., Canada. He has a passion for sharing deep truths in a clear, lively, provocative, and inspiring way.

James has been a frequent guest on television and radio programs including At Home Live, Focus on Your Child, For Faith & Family, and First Edition. His articles have been published by Christianity Today, For Faith & Family Values, Publishers Weekly®, and Shine Magazine, as well as many local journals.

James is the author of numerous books including The Paradox Principle of Parenting: How to Parent Your Child Like God Parents You; 1001 Ways to Connect with Your Kids; Proactive Parenting: The Only Approach That Really Works; and The Parenting of Champions. All are based on scriptural principles and his own experience as the father of four.

In this fresh look at parenting, James Lucas demolishes eight parenting myths – and replaces them with paradoxical truths found in the way God parents his children - us.

The ultimate example of good parenting, God is both an authority and a friend. He is a father who desires our obedience – and our love. Parents who want to follow in the Master Parent's footsteps must imitate God's seemingly contradictory roles. The Paradox Principle of Parenting shows how.

Whether your children are in diapers or in college, whether you are married or single, and whether you are experiencing parenting success or struggle and failure, this book is for you. It offers brand-new perspectives on raising outstanding kids and is an important resource for parents who want to do that all-important job right.

"Listen, buddy, I'm your parent. In spite of frequent challenges on your part and frequent lapses on my part, I'm in charge around here. I'm the boss. Comprende'? Do you think I'm supposed to overlook problems? Do you think I'm supposed to "understand" your laziness and irresponsibility? What, do you think God put me here to be your friend?"

What kind of parent would say such things? Us. You and I. If we're honest with ourselves, most of us would have to admit that we've thought or said something like the above, at some point, to at least one of our children. Maybe today. What causes us to think or say such things?

A lot of reasons. And not all of these reasons are bad.

First of all, we have this sense of responsibility, this foreboding that if we don't do this "parenting" thing well, our kids will fail and we'll feel like jerks. And there's a lot of truth to this. We do have responsibility, and if we don't do it well, it will affect our children and we will feel rotten about it. It's not for nothing that the Bible tells us that "To have a fool for a son brings grief; there is no joy for the father of a fool."" At bottom, we want to "do thy children no harm." We don't want to mess them up.

Second, we do have accountability for how they turn out. It's going to sound pretty weak, later in this life and on into the next, to say "it wasn't my job," or "that wasn't in any job description that I ever agreed to," or "Hey, I just wanted babies." We can't duck it. Parenting judgment day is coming. Somehow, we know it in our souls.

Third, we have the authority over these children, an authority straight from God. We are the parents. We are in charge…well, sort of. We are the boss…well, kind of. We have the authority…whatever that means.

Fourth, we really do have the resources to be great parents. We can't say, "But I didn't know." We've got the truth straight from God, who then works very hard to model it in his relationship with us. He didn't make us parents to fail. In one sense, failure means that we simply didn't access the resources.

Fifth, these little collection points of tortured irrationalities – our kids – can be very, very frustrating. It's not just that we're flawed as parents – not patient enough, not understanding enough, not mature enough. These kids really are chock-full of problems, laziness, and irresponsibility (among many other things). If we think about it soberly, we might come to the conclusion that they were sent here, special delivery, with a top-secret mission from God to test us with major doses of annoyance and aggravation. In fact, not that they're a little older, the secret is out – some days we know that's why they're here. Sixth, these children are positively brilliant. They know how to play the "friend" dimension of our relationship like a fine fiddle. They know how to mess with the part of our hearts that really longs to have a terrific relationship with them. They will take advantage of it. They will use it. They will deploy their words and facial expressions and tears and body language in a guerrilla war of emotional blackmail. You thought they were napping in the other room, when they were actually sneaking out all those years to attend pre-school classes like "How to Use 'I Hate You' as an Effective Means of Getting Your Way" and "Manipulate Your Way to Teenage Happiness."

Oh, yes. There is only one final problem with this tirade at the beginning of this section. We are, indeed, supposed to be their friend.

We can teach the right things the wrong way, and still end up with no lessons learned. Master-Parents use every available means to impress upon their children the values of life, but force themselves to stand back and let their children learn how these values work in the "school of hard knocks."

Whether we realize it or not, this is just how God parents us. He is teaching us all of the time. "Since my youth, O God, you have taught me." "He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught."

And he teaches us through every means. Paul says that "faith comes from hearing the message…But I ask: Did they not hear? Of course they did: 'Their voice has gone out into all the earth, their words to the end of the world.'"

Who is this "their?" Whose voice is out there, teaching everyone, everywhere? It's the creation. Paul is quoting from the psalms: "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech." People who try to spur us on to send missionaries because "there are people who have never heard the word of God" are wrong, however well intentioned. Everyone hears God speaking. Everyone. This is why, in the end, everyone is "without excuse."

And God is always teaching us through results. "Don't be misled. Remember that you can't ignore God and get away with it. You will always reap what you sow!" We can ignore the values for a while, but sooner or later life will catch up with us.

God knows that results are sometimes the best teacher, and are often the teacher that brings closure to our understanding of the principle behind the results. Our Master Parent looks at us, shakes his head, and says in effect, "It seems you don't want to learn this the easy way. I have a remedial class for you."